Weight Upon Her Shoulders
by Lyall44
Summary: The badge seemed to not sit right, no matter how many times she tugged it into place, or unpinned and repined it to her chest. Lily Evans always wanted to be Head Girl, but now it is here it feels wrong. James/Lily fluff - pre-relationship


The badge seemed to not sit right, no matter how many times she tugged it into place, or unpinned and repined it to her chest. She couldn't get it straight, and the weight made a crease in her jumper. She frowned in the mirror for the billionth time that morning as she tried to make it sit just right. But it was no use. The badge was simply to heavy to sit there, the physics of it was all wrong.

Was it too much to ask for it to sit nice and neatly on her chest? Of course it was. The world didn't work like that. At least not anymore.

She sighed again. Something that had become all too frequent in the mind of lily Evans.

She had sighed when the badge had toppled out of the envelope as well. That sigh did not fit into what her expectation had been of finally being made head girl. Her idea was more filled with happiness and excitement. But a lot had changed since then.

Before the responsibility of Head Girl had seemed like such a delightful blessing, but now, like the badge itself, it weighed her down, not quite sitting right, or feeling like it belonged.

But there it sat. She couldn't exactly have put it back in the envelope with a short note saying; _Thanks, but no thanks_. Dumbledore probably wouldn't have appreciated that so much. Or the Head Boy. Abandoning the unknown boy before they even met. Realistically it was probably Remus, or one of the Ravenclaw prefects. Either one of those would be pleasant. But surely Remus would have written if it was him? No matter, she would be meeting the new head boy shortly.

"Lily, its time to go, are you ready?" And right on que her mother called up the stairs, breaking Lily's train of though from the unwanted badge on her chest to the year ahead of her. Her final year at Hogwarts.

"Coming mum," She called back, finally looking away from the mirror, grabbing her coat and making her way downstairs to where her trunk was waiting for her. Her mother stood at the door, car keys in hand.

"Did you say goodbye to Petunia?" She asked, giving Lily a look that told her that her mother already knew she hadn't. Bless her for trying to keep them amicable. If it was up to Petunia she would have stopped acknowledging Lily's existence long ago. But for the sake of appearances and their mothers sanity, they kept up formalities.

"Bye Tuney!" Lily yelled up the stairs, it really wasn't worth the effort of going all the way back up again. Her mother have her another look of annoyance. It was one that Lily herself had perfected many years ago and reserved solely for one James Potter.

"Yeah, bye" Came her sisters muffled response, to which Lily turned back to her mother and smiled.

"Happy now?" She asked. Her mother just wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of Lily's head.

"Always."

The journey to Kings Cross was as expected. The government still hadn't worked out a road system that would make the traffic more bearable for the people in London, and eventually, when they were just a short walk from the Train Station Lily gave up, and hauled her truck out of the boot where they were, and with a kiss goodbye, walked the rest of the way.

Not far ahead, she could see that another student had had the same idea as her as they lugged a tattered case with the shining initials R.L on the end. She recognised that sandy hair anywhere.

"Remus!" She called out, quickening her pace a little – which was considerably harder than she thought, what with the weight of her trunk. What had she packed in there that weighed so much?!

The sandy haired boy turned around at her call, and familiar and warm smile greeted her.

"Hello Lily, you get bored of the traffic too?" He asked, waiting for her to catch up.

"Nightmare isn't it. Clearly the head of traffic control isn't a wizard or Witch or this would have been sorted years ago!" She laughed. King Cross loomed in front of them, and despite her ominous feelings from earlier, her spirits lifted somewhat and a smile spread across her face. She was almost home.

They bustled inside, getting some odd looks from muggle passerby's who were clearly offended by the size of both of their trucks. With great slyness and stealth Remus and Lily slipped through the wall into Platform 9 and ¾. The air was thick with the Hogwarts express steam, and families dotted the station. First years faces gleamed with excitement as they were about to board on for the very first time, but Lily couldn't help that notice that as the Wizards and Witches got older, the looks of excitement fade and was replaced with something much more fearful.

She continued to gaze around until she met the worrysome eyes of James Potter. At their meeting, his eyes briefly lit up and smiled at her, before making his way over to Remus and herself. Years prior to this she would have attempted a deft get away. But not this year. Instead she stood her ground and returned his smile.

A smile that swiftly dropped off her face as she noticed the badge gleaming on his chest. One that conveniently matched hers. She internally scowled as she noted how straight and upright it sat, compared to hers.

Collecting herself, she brought back the smile.

"Evans" James nodded as he reached them, "Moony! Mate, its been too long. I can't believe I lasted all summer!" James brought Remus into a seemingly unwilling hug.

"Prongs… you saw me not a week ago…" Remus mumbled as his hands hung limply by his sides. James pulled away and held Remus at arms length, making a very good impression of does eyes.

"And do you not think that is long enough?" James released Remus and turned back to Lily, he looked as if he were to say something, but then he just closed his mouth again and reached for her truck and started to drag it towards the train. Remus and Lily followed. "Come on you two, Padfoot has a compartment saved… we had to chuck out a few firsties, but best they learn who we are sooner rather than later."

Lily rolled her eyes, but couldn't supress a small grin at his typical antics.

When they reached the compartment, James had already deposited Lily's trunk in the over head rack and had kicked Sirius' dirty feet off of the adjoining seat. Remus and James settled down into their seats while Lily just hovered.

"You can sit you know Evans?" Sirius said, gesturing to the seat beside James.

Lily hesitated, "I really should sit with the girls. Mary told me she would save me a seat…. And plus, I .- we have to go to the Prefects when the train gets going."

James looked up from the inactive snitch that he had been studying in his hands. "Oh yeah… I forgot about that." Sirius looked between Lily and James as if waiting for something, but no-one spoke.

"Well I best go get some chocolate from the trolly before the Prefects meeting starts." Remus said, breaking the silence.

"And I bet Peter is lost somewhere looking for us, I feel mean leaving him to the mercy of the firsties." Sirius sprang up, and ungracefully barged past Lily into the corridor, Remus in tow, leaving an awkwardly stood Lily and a sitting James.

"You can sit for two minutes before we have to go, and Mary won't mind…" James said, running a hand through his already messy hair. His kind tone was one Lily wasn't used to hearing in her presence. To be completely fair to him he had shown a change in character towards the end of last year. He had stopped asking her out, but continued to show interest and they had even grown to become somewhat friends.

Lily awkwardly perched on the edge of the seat opposite, not entirely sure when she had become uncomfortable around James Potter.

"Well done on making Head Boy by the way. I didn't realise you had got it." She said, eyeing the perfectly straight badge that shone on his chest. James looked down, tugging on the badge as if trying to pull it off.

"Oh… yeah. It was a surprise to me too. Mum almost fainted… and I'm not convinced she didn't go to her room to cry about the fact that I'm not completely a lost cause." James gave her a good humoured smile.

"I'm sure she doesn't think of you as a lost cause Potter, just a bit of a –"

"Insufferable toerag?" He finished for her, his eyes flashing in good humour. A wave of guilt came over her suddenly as she dropped her head ashamed for a moment.

"Uh, not quite the words I would use… anymore."

A loud whistle sounded before the familiar judder as the train began to move, Lily relaxed further into the seat in the comfort of knowing they were on their way.

"I actually expected you to be pretty mad at me being head boy actually" James said suddenly, tugging at his badge again. He eyes trained carefully on Lily. She shrugged at his words.

"Why would I be mad? You are no longer the fifth year who curses people for the fun of it. You- You deserve it." And there was every ounce of truth in her words. James eyes her sceptically. Even she had to confess it was a slightly shocking revelation to anyone who had seen the explosive relationship James and herself had. "We need someone strong at the head… whether we like it or not, this war is here and… and you inspire people James. You can give them hope."

And for the first time ever, but most certainly not the last Lily seemed to have made James Potter utterly speechless. He sat there gaping at her as if he had never seen her before in his life. Against her will, her cheeks grew red as she blushed at his stair.

"Did- di- you just… did you just say…? He spluttered, unable to get any sort of coherent sentence out. Lily giggles at his incapacitation. At the sound of her laugh, a smile lit up his face. "You did just say that. You, Lily Evans paid me, James Potter, a compliment! And it wasn't forced through blackmail!"

"Yes yes, it's a revelation. Praise Merlin…" Lily rolled her eyes and the poor boy in front of her. But she sobered up rather suddenly as all the dread she felt from the moment she received her badge returned, "Its going to be different this year. People are dying now. What if- What if he comes to Hogwarts?" She looked at James who was now sat looking rather sombre himself, "What do we do then?"

James stood up, offering Lily and hand up, which she took.

"We do our best. You have faith in me, and if there is one thing I know Lily Evans, its that I have every ounce of faith in you." They froze for a moment, Lily still clasping James hand. "Now let me fix that badge for you and we can head off to this meeting."


End file.
